Sunday, September 27, 2009

BFF Rules to Live By

Is there anything better than having a truckload of friends? I think not. Here are a few handy rules to help you make and keep the Best Friends ForEvahhhh....

BFF Rule #1 If your BFF confides that she has had a little *work done*, promptly dismiss her bandages to  other BFFs by saying she simply *got into a little tussle* at the Barneys sale

BFF Rule #2  Never dump your BFF for a man, unless he is that really hot guy from Prison Break. No... the older one. 

BFF Rule #3  If your BFF asks you if you like her new outfit, do NOT glance behind her and ask if it came with a stripper pole. 

BFF Rule #4 ALWAYS tell your BFF that is your SON. BEFORRRRE she asks him out.

BFF Rule #5  In the event your BFF decides to tell you she's had some *work done*, look surprised. (just not as surprised as her)

BFF Rule #6 Do Not say *MEOOOW* upon first meeting your BFF's Dear Husband or Boyfriend if he is younger than your BFF.

BFF Rule #7 Upon meeting BFFs DH or BF for the first time, do not say *YOWZA!*, or *HUBBA HUBBA!* Unless his name happens to BEEE Yowza or Hubba Hubba, of course.

BFF Rule #8 It's okay 2 buy the same bag as your BFF, but don't wear them when out together to avoid hearing *Hey, would you look at those two gorgeous BAGS!?* from other BFFs you encounter while out and about.

BFF Rule #9 If your BFF asks you if her ass looks fat in those pants, Do...NOT..Laugh... Before you say *NOOOO, not at ALLLLLL*.

BFF Rule #10 Always remember to bring an extra Bloomingdale's coupon for your BFF. You know how all that vodka has rotted her braincells and how she always forgets hers.

BFF Rule #11 Do not show BFF's DH or BF any tattoos that would not be seen while wearing a small bikini.

BFF Rule #12 Don't return shirt you borrowed from your BFF w/phone #s written on it, unless one belongs to that really hot guy from Prison Break. No... the older one. 

BFF Rule #13 Do not order the fries with breakfast right after your BFF tells you she gained 5 pounds that very morning in the five seconds it took to weigh herself.

BFF Rule #14 Always tell your BFF you looooove her new haircolor. Even if she now greatly resembles a Crack Ho.

BFF Rule #15 If your BFF really needs that fourth cosmo, please switch to Diet Coke yourself. You are now the Designated Taxicab Hailer. Shameless plug ! Here is my New Cosmo-NOT necklace in my Etsy shop

BFF Rule #16 Never tell your BFF how many calories are in that Appletini. If she asks, LIE. The correct number is 75 or 60, if there is no cherry. 

I hope this helps you make and keep many many friends. Please feel free to add to the list with your own BFF Rules. Smooches, Beotches! ; )