Friday, July 24, 2009

Nurturing Your Inner Bitch

I’m a Bitch.

Oh, puleeze, Sueanne, you’re thinking. Get serious. You’re one of the nicest women.... You open doors for freakin’ everybody, you’re encouraging, supportive, helpful, friend to many. You practically have a therapy couch set up in the living room, for crissakes... This is all true. I am from the Midwest originally, which makes it even harder to believe I am capable of being Queen of all Bitches. You would never know what I am capable of...unless you have made the mistake of pissing off the Redhead.

Let me just say I consider it a compliment to be called a Bitch and I would encourage everybody to both
rejoice in and learn to bring out your inner bitch. Forget about the inner child. The inner bitch is way more fun. The inner child needs a binky. The inner bitch needs tequila. Do you see where I’m going with this?

Why be a bitch? Because we all love bitches. Who loves a doormat? NOBODY except a muddy shoe.

Does this mean you yell and scream at people and are a miserable and unhappy person? No. Do you make other people unhappy? No. Discovering your inner Bitch means you know who you are, are at peace with that, and you expect and demand other people to respect you. When you learn to love your inner bitch you will in fact be at the happiest and most content place in your life. 

Let’s all be strong men and women. Don’t settle for crap. I’m not saying you need to be mean. I’m saying suck it up, be strong, ask, no ...demand...  what you want and need, and don’t stop until you get it. You determine what it takes to make you happy. So be a fucking bitch when you need to be. Life’s too short to wonder what would have happened IF you had done something differently. Just do it differently to BEGIN with.

Whether that’s demanding better behavior from your significant other, or a better table at the new restaurant in town, or that your idiot professor change your grade because you deserve it... Be a Bitch. Hate your new haircut? SAY something. Be a Bitch. Need a raise at work? Tell them why you deserve it. Be a Bitch. 

You will quickly see that once people figure out you won’t put up with their shenanigans, they will give you the respect you need. Then you can tone down the bitch and just keep her on the back burner for emergency situations.

And, contrary to popular belief, there is nothing wrong with men being bitches. It really is a more masculine trait, when you think about it. Men get what they want, and so should my Bitches.