This... is a Pecan Roll From Au Bon Pain. That's French for "Oh, My GODDDD!"
1. 620 calories never cared about you, did they, Huh, HUH? Well, DID THEY?
2. You can't see your thighs if you Just..don't..look...down.
3. They won't help you find your ipod headphones
4. They won't help you stop breaking wine glasses in the sink
5. If you didn't support the sugar industry the people in the Dominican Republic would have slightly worse living conditions. You just helped somebody patch their rusted tin roof. Philanthropy is Good.
6. There has to be justification for you to have a treadmill in the basement. Other than hanging bras on.
7. If you cut them into four they are only a measly 155 calories.
8. ...and you can lie and say the dog ate the other 465 calories
9. There are nuts involved. Nuts are healthy, Dammit.
10. 620 calories is Waaaay freakin' less calories than eating an entire pie. #ilikepie